THE REVIEW OF THE GAME - HELP US TO TAKE ACTION NOW!
Date: 9th May 2021
The latest blog from SFSA writer Donald Stewart:
There are four seats in the pub…
The Budge occupies one.
Ms. Low sits opposite.
Mr. Farrell sits in between them to the left.
The one to the right is empty.
The atmosphere is triumphant
Picture the scene…
After a year we are back in a pub in Dundee.
A year or so ago, there was a meeting between three people who were raging. As in pure raging. Actual raging, in fact. They had just found out that their firm was being relegated by the powers that be. They were an unhappy trio.
They went to court and got tellt… They all just had to put up with it and put up with it they did.
They ended up having to grub about n the lower reaches and for a year they have toiled and suffered.
But now, two out of the three of them are sitting pretty. They have managed the big escape. They are out their woods and have managed to claw back into the leagues from whence they were untimely tipped.
But there is a problem.
The Stranraer mob have not managed the same feat. In the eyes of the other two they have let their argument down – that they should never have been relegated in the first place.
And so, there are two angry women and one nervous man in the pub – not for the first time in its history.
The Budge, her being in charge of the biggest firm, starts the proceedings. “Mr. Farrell, you have been hauled in here cos you have not kept up your end of the bargain. We all agreed that we would deliver the best response to these people by maintaining our standards and getting back into those leagues. What has gone wrong with you?”
Mr. Farrell is not a willing visitor. Walking along the road in Stranraer a few hours ago, he found himself hooded, knocked unconscious and waking up in the boot of a Volvo travelling at speed. He had no idea where he was going and the attempt to phone anyone was hindered when he found his phone was missing. The kidnappers had taken it off him.
You would think that when he found himself in a pub and realised it was not an attempt on his life that he might calm down but he knew these two women by one thing: reputation. And that reputation was fair scary.
He was a bit scared.
He shouldn’t be here. It should be his chairman. He was the guy who made the pact and Mr. Farrell could not work out why it was he who had been pinched and brought to the pub for a severe talking to.
Mr. Farrell swallows hard and replies, “It’s no been easy. They Highlanders are tricky. And the big two from the cities have had a decent year. I cannae compete frae way doon in Stranraer.”
The Budge smiles a smile that nobody ever wants to see; it has crooked intentions. She then speaks in a low voice that rasps, “I see. And I want you to know that we have some understanding of your position.”
At that point Ms. Low speaks for the first time. “Mr. Farrell, I want you to understand that we are not unsympathetic. I too have had my troubles to seek and the appointment of Mr. McCall to lead our teams was risky at first, but it has come good. We toiled a little over the piece against the likes of that Falkirk mob, but we got there. Fife can be a tricky place and there have been difficult times for both of us. We understand.”
At that point she smiles too, and Mr. Farrell cannot help but think that he feels like looking at a couple of sharks circling upon their pray. Both smiling but neither letting got of their evil intentions of taking one big bite out of him.
The Budge speaks again, by way of explanation. “And that is why we have brought you here.”
Ms. Low continues and the start a weird double act in the dim glow of a moody bar, somewhere in Dundee, well away from prying eyes and where nobody hears you scream, and even if they do, they think it is just Charlie Adams complaining cos he isn’t getting a game. The Budge starts, “We want to help.”
“We want to help you.”
“You after all have only one chance left.”
“to make the next part of the plan.”
“it’s tricky and we would like to be the ones who make it all right.”
“For you.”
“Meaning it is for us too.”
“Understand?”
Mr. Farrell nods, though he doesn’t understand. At that point in the low atmospheric 1930’s style menacing lighting both women look at the empty seat. It prompts Mr. Farrell to look at it too. As he does the door behind him clangs open and he hears footsteps.
It has an ominous ring to it, and he doesn’t want to turn round. He manages to fight successfully the urge to panic and whip his neck round to see who is behind him. He is saved that indignity as the man who has entered this pub sits in the vacant chair.
if he thought things couldn’t get any worse, he realises how wrong he was.
The man who has entered has a lopsided smile that terrifies him as he speaks and The Big Levein says, “All right? Just here to help, that’s all. Just here to help.”
At that the lights went out and Mr. Farrell once again finds himself unconscious…
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that Ann Budge has ever kidnapped Stevie Farrell, so this is clearly untrue.
During the week, the promotion of Partick Thistle was confirmed and added to Hearts making it back to the Premiership. The last of the three clubs who were relegated last year and cried foul is Stranraer. They sit 5th in league Two with one game to go. It is no longer and just like Mr. Farrell above… fate is no longer in their own hands…
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