Are all the seats taken?

Date: 15th April 2022

The latest weekly blog provided to you by our Donald Stewart.

Are all the seats taken?

Local television production company, Diddy Provider Dot Com – our unique selling point is we always spell it out and never take the easy way out are reeling.

Having previously been known as the Society of Freelance and Alternative folk or SFA for short, they grew into their recent incantation after quite a few years of uncertainties. Their main selling point to television companies was that they were a collective, like a membership organisation with clear democratic processes at play which meant they “represented” chunks of people. Everyone knew, however that they were dominated by a few rich organisations at the summit and often felt they could ignore the rest of their “membership”.

Then they changed and tinkered.

Changed their name.

Tinkered internally with some of the processes.

For the 21st century, Diddy Provider Dot Com – our unique selling point is we always spell it out and never take the easy way out was born… It did, however, look very much like the SFA did beforehand… people generally were quite disappointed.

When the change was announced Diddy Provider Dot Com said that finally, what they were on the tin.

They were good at cliches.

They were also good at disappointment.

And now they were very disappointed.

Picture the scene…

It is a big room, in a very big building in the big city of Glasgow.

Diddy Provider Dot Com like big.

The guy in charge of Diddy Provider Dot Com’s Twitter, let’s call him Mr. Orange is sitting shaking his head. The man in charge of the whole of Diddy Provider Dot Com, Director of All Things Diddy, let’s call him Mr. White, is sitting at the same table with his head in his hands. Making up the threesome, let’s call him Mr. Pink, is the Head of Diddy Provider Dot Com Media Relations who has been standing with his back against the wall, arms folded and with a picture book scowl. They are all in suits and are all men.

They tend to always be in suits, and they tend always to be men.

They are all no happy.

“Ah canny believe it,” says Mr. Orange, the Heid Tweeter.

“You cannae believe it!” snorts Mr. White.

“Nae point in nae believing whit is right in front of ye,” says Mr. Pink, hoping that people recognise how sage and intelligent he sounds.

Nobody does.

In front of them sits a laptop with the tweet they all cannae believe.

A group of independent freelancers have taken to Twitter to say how disappointed they are with the SFA. They don’t even have the good grace to call them the Diddy Provider Dot Com, but everyone knows who they mean.

“How dae they get tae use our line?” says Mr. Orange, the Heid Tweeter.

“They cannae use it!” snorts Mr. White.

“Nae point in nae believing whit is right in front of ye,” says Mr. Pink, hoping that people recognise how sage and intelligent he sounds, again.

Nobody does, once more.

These upstart independent producers have shown disappointment at the number of seats allocated for the next big event being held by the Diddy Provider Dot Com. Due to the lack of seats being offered to them at the pure huge venue, at an event by the anywhere they are the stars, they have taken to Twitter to vent and say how disappointed they are.

Having spent the morning trying to get their head around the fact that Channel Four are being sold off and the one channel where they have absolutely no relationship with may disappear from their strategy to make some kind of impact in the national consciousness, Diddy Provider Dot Com has been struggling to get through the day.

And now this!

They had agonised for hours over the Tweet they were putting out about Channel Four, had got it down to the requisite number of characters, had debated and worked on how they really felt as opposed to how publicly they should seem and were about to post with the tinge of disappointment quota at the right level for the public and then this hit!

How could they? What should they do in response?

Mr. Green wanted to leave it. Mr. Pink wanted them hunted down. Mr. Orange composed fifteen possible responses from mildly annoyed to thoroughly disappointed with a hint of take a good, long hard look at yourself. He thought his most forceful tweet was close to genius.

Mr. Pink thought only he was close to genius.

“We canny dae nothin,” says Mr. Orange, the Heid Tweeter.

“We cannae dae nothin!” snorts Mr. White.

“Nae point in nae believing whit is right in front of ye,” says Mr. Pink, hoping that people recognise how sage and intelligent he sounds for the last time.

Everybody turns and looks at him. He realises he has not been listening for the last ten minutes and lost the thread of the conversation.

Just as they are about to turn back, Mr. Green’s elbow hits the keyboard, and a tweet is sent out on behalf of Diddy Provider Dot Com. It states they had allocated the biggest marketing spend for the event and hoped detractors would refocus and inspire people”.

There is a gasp as people await the response.

All over the membership people read it, shake their head and mutter something derogatory under their breath. The job of Diddy Provider Dot Com may well have been done as once more they have stirred up what they always seem to do – apathy…

Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that an organisation called Diddy Provider Dot Com exists or that it relates in any way to any organisation with the initials SFA, unless you know differently, so this is clearly a work of fiction.

The fact is that during the week senior players in the SWNT took to Twitter to declare their disappointment that Hampden Park seems to have been limited to the number of seats being offered for sale for the vital game against Spain. The SFA responded, “The ticketing sales process used at Hampden Park is identical to most across Scottish football, with tickets sold in blocks, in line with ongoing demand. This procedure is long-established for all events within our stadium – including the recent men’s friendly against Poland – to optimise the atmosphere for each event. The Scottish FA was therefore surprised by the flurry of identical social media posts last night from members of the Scotland women’s national team under the misapprehension that insufficient tickets are being sold. Every seat in Hampden Park will be made available should the demand require it.” There does not seem to have been a massive response to the SFA. Almost as if nobody cared. But the Scottish Women appear to have got lots of support… Let’s hope that translates…


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