First Transfer Day, subject to International Clearance…

Date: 16th June 2022

This blog was given to you by our very own Donald Stewart.

First Transfer Day, subject to International Clearance…

“The second week in June…

Strangely it is one of the busiest weeks of the holiday season when it would appear that everyone is released and allowed to put their feet up whilst worrying about what happens when or where they go back to work…

But this year there appears to be the biggest of frenzies at the Livingston Lions Holiday Camp…

Mr. Martindale, the manager, is flicking through books old style whilst his assistant, Mr. Maley, is downloading apps in a barely controlled panic…

Picture the scene…

Having had two full years of lockdowns and pandemics, the holiday industry is ready to pounce with great deals and unbelievable bargains. The airports, however, were unprepared for the rush, as the opportunity to escape to the warmth and feel the rush of excitement for the summer which was the normal which had been lost was now back… in bucket and spades loads…

Just a pity they did not have the same number of employees as travellers in the airports!

Down at the Livingston Lions Holiday Camp, there had been a sense of foreboding that they might experience a flutter of cancelled holidays or budgets that were not able to manage to stretch to Torremolinos this year being spent at their arcades instead. They knew their clientele and they were aye ready for them…

But this year, there was a new issue. A foreign one.

Always prepared for the minor Z List celebrity hiding away in a caravan at the back of the park, that was now filled with a Mr. Courts, lately of Dundee who was seen wandering around the arcades muttering in Serbo-Croat with a big dictionary in one hand. This was the only reason they knew what language he was speaking! There had been an awkward moment when The Big Levein had wandered out of his caravan, handily adjacent to The Budge and her crew, and suggested strongly that Mr. Courts needed some form of medical attention when a Mr. Clarke intervened and suggested forcefully that The Big Levein keep his opinions to himself. That had nearly ended in some form of altercation when Mr. Clarke suggested that The Big Levein just liked the sound of his own voice.

It was the beginning of the panic as more and more bookings were coming in, of a foreign nature. Mr. Martindale was highly sensitive to this, and had been at one point in his life, incarcerated with similar people, had taken to them and understood how they felt when they first arrived in a strange sounding country that was in essence, foreign to them too. He had prepared Mr. Maley in advance to cancel the shortbread tin nonsense that had been organised to be replaced with greetings in their own language and signage more appropriate to a multi-cultural country, like Scotland is – less haggis and mair haggis pakora was his motto.

So far, the signs around their resort had laminated additions in Mandarin, Italian, Guyanese and Albanian. This was mainly because Mr. Martindale or Mr. Maley, had found these languages easily in their searches.

“There’s a fella called Ramadan coming. Do you think that’s a wind up?” asks a confused Mr. Maley, breaking the silence that had descended upon reception since early that morning.

“He is heading to Aberdeen afterwards. Coming from Budapest?” responds Mr. Martindale.

Mr. Maley, upon checking his notes, nods. “Not a wind up then,” Mr. Martindale confirms.

Mr. Maley, then begins to read out the range of places that he is struggling to place with Mr. Martindale responding as helpfully as he can.

“Kauno Zalgiris?”

“Lithuania. And put a note to remind him when he arrives that though he was due to go to Cumbernauld, Hamilton should be his final destination. A fax came in earlier.”

“A fax?” queries Mr. Maley.

“Aye, Mr. Lennon and Mr. Moore are a tad old school.”

“Sheikh Russel?”

“Bangladesh, right pay special attention to them. They are here to work for us.”

“Rainbow FC?”

“India. They are due to go to Edinburgh after they are here. Put them well away from The Budge and The Big Levein. They are going in the opposite direction to Gorgie, the fella due from India is.”

Mr. Maley, then looks up. “I have no idea if these are places or not gaffer. I think these might not be right, because they say they are domestic transfers. Frankly I am dubious”

Mr. Martindale looks up. He nods in encouragement and Mr. Maley, reels off the following.

“Welling, Fauldhouse, Jeanfield Swifts and Inverurie Locos?”

“No wind ups at all. All domestic so the international clearance they brought in are not needed.”

“None of them on a flight to Rwanda then?” asks Mr. Maley.

“None so far,” replies Mr. Martindale.

And with that, the kettle is put on and the next stage of the day readied. As the boiling water gets poured into the teapot a lanky sinister figure is seen in the distance circling the caravan of a certain Mr. Clarke. Nobody makes a fool of The Big Levein like that and his new accomplice, Mr. Miller watches as their plan is put in place to exact revenge. But for that, they need a certain event in Dublin to go their way… Just what that may be may follow next week…

Or not…


Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is still no evidence that Livingston have anything resembling a holiday camp, unless you know differently, so this is clearly a work of fiction.

The fact is that there have been some interesting developments and signings in Scottish football as the transfer window is now open. It has included Dundee United manager Tam Courts speaking to Croatian side Rijeka about a possible move and signings form all over the shop including, Aberdeen signing Ylber Ramadan from MTK Budapest, Clyde signing Steven Thicot from Kauno Zalgiris, Hibernian signing Momodou Bojang on loan from Rainbow FC, Livingston signing Esmael Goncalves from Sheikh Russel, and Arbroath signing Kieran Shanks from Inverurie Locos, Ayr United signing Dipo Akinyemi from Welling United, Clyde signing Liam Scullion from Fauldhouse United and Elgin City taking Jake Dolzanski from Jeanfield Swifts!”



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