Date: 29th April 2022
The second weekly blog provided to you by our Donald Stewart.
Mr. Di Canio is in a foul temper. To be fair Mr. Di Canio is often in a foul temper. A mercurial talent he has been in charge of the flamboyant East End of Glasgow cheerleading group for some time but today he is incandescent.
As the pom poms get packed, his tenure as chief coach, following the European trials of the Lime Brigade Parkhead Chapter Cheerleading Team looks like it is coming to an end.
Adored by many in his entourage for his cranky style, his flamboyant brilliance and sympatico (Mr. Di Canio uses this term a lot and to be fair, nobody knows what he means by it but everyone just nods and smiles politely…) with those who have always had a bit of a chip on their shoulder, Mr. Di Canio was the perfect fit.
But the perfect fit is now ill at ease in his position…
Picture the scene…
It is the car park of a well-known European cheerleading venue.
When we say well-known, people who know, know it well, those who don’t know it do not know it as well and those who don’t want to know it simply don’t care about it.
Mr. Di Canio cares a great deal.
His squad had been touted to do well, having dominated the early season in their home country. The previous season had been a terrible one as their main rivals had simply wiped the floor with them in competitions and Mr. Di Canio was brought in to keep all the cheerleading squad, cheerleaders – the supporters and parents – happy, whilst bringing some flair and success. He has managed that domestically, but the European competition has been a bit beyond him.
The issue for him has benne that whilst their bitter rivals have faltered at home, in Europe they are excelling. Comparisons at home are all well and good, and Mr. Di Canio was up for a possible clean sweep of domestic trophies but now he faces the prospect of every trophy he wins dwarfed by the success of “them” in Europe. He was bounced out out of European competition at a stage that quite frankly is a bit of an embarrassment.
“They are salmon fishermen!”
Mr. Di Canio is ranting. He makes little sense as people round about him and his car, are beginning to look at the ground, trying very hard not to make any eye contact in case they have to acknowledge him and the sense or otherwise of his point of view.
Having got into the European Competition, third class, Mr. Di Canio had begun well enough until he faced the Norwegian cheer. He had laughed incessantly at their name claiming that there as no way that his team could lose to another team whose name sounded like a randomly generated internet password. I mean, nobody had even heard of Bodo/Glimt…
But they crashed out, did Mr. Di Canio’s team…
They failed to get through into the next round. Mr. Di Canio was incandescent. Whilst others, after that ignominy, had packed up and gone home, he had stayed to watch the rest of the competition. That had included watching his team from Italy, for whom he had such affection – the team from Roma.
Now coached by another mercurial talent a certain veteran of European competition Mr. Mourinho, Roma had come up against Bodo/Glimt and had beaten them. Mr. Mourinho had told everyone who was wanting to listen – not that many to be fair – how important that win was. Mr. Di Canio was less than impressed.
Deciding to not leave the arena and the competition, long after his team did, Mr. Di Canio was still ranting in the car park to everyone in particular. Those who went close enough to wonder about what he was so worked up about heard little phrases such as “they were unloading from the harbour last night and then cheerleading today… what’s that about?” or “Mr. Mourinho is a myth…” or “Bodo/Glimt are a bunch of salmon fishermen” as well as “It’s completely ridiculous to celebrate a win over Bodo/Glimt. I know Roma well and their fans won’t be fooled by this.”
In a corner of the car park, a louche and languid figure, manager of Roma and now in the European third class semi-finals, a certain Mr. Mourinho gazed and smiled as Mr. Di Canio continued his solo rant…
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that Mr. Di Canio has ever led a cheerleading group, unless you know differently, so this is clearly a work of fiction.
The fact is that during the week Paulo Di Canio found himself in a rant as a pundit after Roma put Bodo/Glimt out of the Europa Conference league opining that “”Jose Mourinho demands praise for reaching the semi-final of this competition, yet we criticised Inter Milan for losing to Liverpool, who will probably win the Champions League. Bodo/Glimt were a team made up from a bunch of salmon fishermen. You do realise that seven of them were unloading salmon from the harbour that day? Yet Roma and Mourinho have somehow managed to lose ten goals to this team this season. Look, Jose Mourinho is a myth. They say the stadium was full, but that was only because they gave tickets away at 5 Euros. Enough with this bulls***. It’s completely ridiculous to celebrate a win over such a team as Bodo/Glimt. I know Roma well and their fans won’t be fooled by this.” As a manager, Paulo Di Cabio won League Two with Swindon Town, Jose Mourinho has won four European trophies with three clubs as a manager…
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