High noon Dundee who brings the pies

Date: 11th September 2021

“High noon Dundee who brings the pies”

The latest SFSA blog from our resident writer Donald Stewart

The scene is set…

Everyone is nervously hiding behind their net curtains. Twitching means a whole different ball game in the ‘Dee.

And now it is time to…

Picture the scene…

There is a wide avenue. On one side, is the Tangerine Dream, the other the Blue One…

Down the avenue stands Mr. Griffiths. He is an unhappy man.

At the top of the avenue stands Mr. Lennon. As always it is difficult to fathom what he feels. Impenetrable would appear to be his means of communication on a daily basis…

They both stand staring at the other.

The tension is palatable.

Their cowboy boots raise them to the heights, though according to Mr. Griffiths, nothing can raise Mr. Lennon to the height of relevancy. They both have ponchos, mean faces and a fist full of resentments.

Having suggested that once they met, words would be exchanged, Mr. Lennon, unable to avoid any confrontation made it his business to find Mr. Griffiths and have those words.

Everyone in the avenue has fled to safety when they realised that the two of them were in town.

The time is noon; High Noon…

The tension is tense; Well Tense…

The picture is set; Well Set…

Mr. Lennon just stares.

Mr. Griffiths starts the words with saying, “You slaughtered me to keep yourself relevant.”

Mr. Lennon squints. He cannot hear Mr. Griffiths. He gestures so.

Mr. Griffiths sighs and moves forward. He repeats himself a little louder, “You slaughtered me to keep yourself relevant.”

Mr. Lennon squints again. He still cannot hear Mr. Griffiths. He gestures again.

Mr. Griffiths mutters under his breath and moves forward. He repeats himself, again this time much louder, “I SAID, YOU SLAUGHTERED ME TO KEEP YOURSELF RELEVANT.”

Mr. Lennon squints. He is still unable to hear Mr. Griffiths. He gestures for the third time.

Mr. Griffiths mutters many expletives under his breath and moves further forward. He repeats himself for a final time, “I SAID, YOU SLAUGHTERED ME TO KEEP YOURSELF RELEVANT.” Then in an outburst of frustration follows up with, “STOP TRYING TO BE SMART”

Mr. Lennon smirks.

Mr. Griffiths continues, “I don’t really want to keep talking about you because you are going to come back and have your bit to say. I just want to leave it there. Are you listening? And a warning, Lennon, I am not going to keep battering you because you are trying to keep yourself relevant by using my name.”

Mr. Lennon breaks into a huge smile.

Mr. Griffiths thinks he is missing something. “What are you smiling at?”

Mr. Lennon turns on his heel. As he starts to walk off into the distance his Northern Irish burr can be heard commenting, “Because Leigh, that’s the quickest I have ever made you travel that distance in years. Had you managed that effort when you were with us, you might have played more often…”

From somewhere hidden a thick smog envelops him as he disappears. People commented later that they heard a horse whinnying as Lennon rode out of town, but there was no clear sighting of such a thing.

Meanwhile, with the final words hanging in the air, Mr. Griffiths turns on his own heel and notices a lot of net curtains twitching, hiding people trying hard not to guffaw. Mr. Griffiths tries to strike the pose of someone who does not care as he walks off towards the Blue Dream House thinking and saying to himself, “It is all about my time here at Dundee and making sure I am playing well, scoring goals and helping the team hit that top six. It is all about my time here at Dundee and making sure I am playing well, scoring goals and helping the team hit that top six. It is all about my time here at Dundee and making sure I am playing well, scoring goals and helping the team hit that top six. It is all about my time here at Dundee and making sure I am playing well, scoring goals and helping the team hit that top six.”

As he enters the blue doorway, there are few who think he is right…

 

Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that there has ever been a confrontation between Neil Lennon and Leigh Griffiths in Tannadice Street, therefore this is clearly a work of fiction, though many of Mr. Griffith’s words have been used.

The fact is that during the week, Leigh Griffiths shot back at Neil Lennon suggesting that Lennon was talking about him because he was out of a job and needed to keep relevant. He did not want to engage in tit for tat comments as he had had his say and Lennon had had his say. So, he had another say. Unsure if Mr. Lennon is unavailable for comment as nobody has contacted his representatives for comment but it might be impenetrable or unprintable…


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