Irvine Welsh our first guest writer on theories by Prof. Gordon P. McNeil

Date: 31st October 2016

Irvine Welsh on theories by
Prof. Gordon P. McNeil

Now I finally get it. Homo sapiens is a recently arrived imposter in the evolution of the genus Homo, a mountebank, a charlatan, a confidence trickster, a fraud, a fraudster, a rogue, a villain, a scoundrel, a quack. All that academic stuff about consciousness, language, civilisation, farming, technology, science, philosophy, music, literature, poetry, art and so on, emanating exclusively from, and created by, Homo sapiens, is evolutionary hogwash.
It all came, not from Homo sapiens, as this recently arrived pathological lying subspecies claims endlessly and repeatedly in schools, in text books, in literature, in countless evolutionary and cultural journals, and in all institutions of higher learning, but from the original and founder species Homo – Homo passiens – from man the footballer.
Bipedalism as a locomotive strategy is frankly nuts – no sentient species would voluntarily choose to adopt such a ludicrous hodgepodge of anatomical features, with a ground speed of less than half that of a lazy geriatric predator, with no effective body armour or protection, with no offensive claws worthy of the name, with lettuce crunching teeth that would be rejected by even the most docile herbivore, with such a narrow pelvis, and hinged legs below, which ensures bipedal locomotion is a form of translocation so shaky, so wobbly and unstable, that an anatomical engineer would consider that this form of locomotion had been perversely designed to stagger, to stumble, to collapse, to topple over or fall down, in any chase to catch a prey, or escape from a predator, and in any evolutionary design school, would be rejected as the work of an indolent evolutionary student, who had spent his or her study time in the cafes, betting shops, bars and dancing clubs of his or her university town.
Bipedalism is so stupid and unstable, that humans have actually invented games to take advantage of this, and to effect falls, such as in rugby league, rugby union, and National League football. If we had four or even three legs, these games could not exist. Infants fall down, toddlers fall down, children fall down, juveniles fall down, adults fall down, and elderly humans frequently die from such falls. No sensible architect would design a building with only two supports. In war zones mines are laid, not to kill, rather to disable one limb and render the subject immobile, and therefore impose a burden on the opposing forces. If we had chosen to sacrifice only one leg and become tripedal, we would have significantly improved our survival chances. The people and ancients in the Isle of Man, Sicily and Japan, have a long and noble association with tripedalism, and if you go there you will learn exactly how much superior is that form of locomotion, compared with our witless evolutionary selection of bipedalism. Since there is a long and successful industry of manufacturing sticks into extra third legs, known as walking sticks – actually stability sticks, for bipedal humans to improve locomotive efficiency – why was it that we did not select a tripedal or quadrupedal solution, to improve survival and locomotive efficiency and safety?
Four legs are better than three.
Three legs are better than two.
Why have we, the Homo species – Homo passiens, most bizarrely selected for locomotion on two legs only?
Football!
No other explanation, no other reason for our absurd, derisory, farcical anatomical mix of primate foetal features interwoven with, bundled with, such a patchwork of semi-adult characteristics that result in a neotenous half foetal/half man complex – a clownman – Homo passiens – but a clown so beautifully engineered and so exquisitely formed to express bipedal football, flat brow, domed head, opposable goalkeeping thumbs, knock knees, flat and levered foot, outstep and instep, and finally and beautifully – a non-opposable big toe, with a big greedy bipedal brain of such absurd and poetic linguistic and sensorimotor beauty, that billions of fans will follow their dreamteam, enter the lucid REM dreamgame, sing their dreamsongs, call their dreamchants, and neuropower their gamma wave electrophysiology, fire their mirror forward and reverse neuromodulations, seek both dopamine reward facilitation and opiate emotional homeostasis via transcendence, and lucidity suspension of entropy, at every available opportunity.
Now I get it about the evolutionary nonsense I was taught in biology class, a romantic fiction about the clever intelligent species Homo sapiens that appeared suddenly from nowhere around 200,000 years ago, and supposedly gave rise to the big brain, and to consciousness, language, farming, civilisation, technology, science, literature, art and poetry.
Rubbish.
Homo passiens – we the neotenous, upright, bipedal species, with narrow pelvis, opposable thumb, knock knees, flat cushioned and levered foot, and non-opposable big toe, are the nominate superspecies that gave birth to the big intelligent and embodied bipedal brain – an evolutionary anatomical joke, but an evolutionary poetic joke, an anatomical frankenfreak, an anatomical frankenclown, and a weird evolutionary farce that made us what we are and what we do, every Saturday of every week, when the dreamgame is played, and which we miss every alternate Saturday. We opposable-thumbed, we two-legged, we two-footed, we non-opposable big toed, and we neoteny brained evolutionary absurdity, we are the true source of human consciousness, intelligence, and cognition.
As Professor Gordon P. McNeil has indicated, we may be on the lower rungs of evolutionary science, but we are rapidly ascending, and with our eyes firmly on the prize of the Premier Division, and recognition as the true founder and future species of the genus Homo – Homo passiens, and we are happy to include Homo sapiens as our fellow partner in all future evolutionary developments – with one absolute rider – that they recognise Homo passiens as the original and nominate founder species, and bipedal neoteny as the driving force of Homo evolution.
We are also happy to share our knowledge of neoteny, of the lucid REM wake dreamgame, of the dreamsong and dreamchant physiology, of dopamine, opiate, vasopressin and hypnoxytocin hormone metaballism, and of the consciousness of the football, expressed as procociousness.
If not, Homo sapiens will rapidly degenerate and disappear from the evolutionary record, just as suddenly as that subordinate species appeared, and as surely as the thousands of species and subspecies that have come and gone, in the many extinction events of the past.


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