Mr. Berra goes into hiding

Date: 16th April 2021

The latest blog from SFSA writer Donald Stewart:

The cupboards are not bare in the nursery…

In fact, they have a wee bear in them…

Dressed up by his maw for the Easter Parade, wee Robbie is refusing to come out…

Picture the scene…

Headie, teachers and the early years workers are all crowded round a table in the nursery room. They have a severe problem…

The Tiny Castle nursery has never really faced this before, but Mrs. Doncaster has always known that, as the head mistress of the local nursery where the Budge has her grandweans that the time is likely to come that she will have to face… The Budge…

Today looks like that day…

The reason wee Robbie is hiding in the cupboard happened the day before; and to be fair to the wee lad, there are plenty of professionals round the wee table who wish they could join him.

Wee Robbie, a favourite up yesterday of The Budge and her household, was minding his own wee business when one of The Budge grandweans, nobody is quite sure which one, made comments about how he was behaving in the nursery. Robbie had always been the blue eyed boy who had taken charge of things but The Budge’s grandwean had lost his wee shovel.

Robbie had been the last one seen using it.

Robbie was always a good wee boy. Diligent you might say. His best friend Christophe and he had looked after the sand pit, the water area and held court at times over who got the Lego bricks. He had status amongst the wee yins.

The bursary staff always marvelled how the rest of the weans in the nursery respected the pair of them so let it be. Christophe and Robbie were kind-hearted little guys who tried their best to be  fair and even with their favours… or so they thought…

Yesterday a new flavour of Robbie came out when he and Christophe had a right royal falling out… The shovel was missing, and Robbie said he did not know where it had gone. Both of them had used it and they had been shoving loads of things around the nursery with it. In fact, it was often remarked at just how good they were at shovelling things. It was a key skill, and many metaphors were exchanged with knowing smiles. The wee shovel was a bright maroon colour, and therefore hard to miss as it had a beautifully carved heart on its shovel area that was the envy of most in the Tiny Castle Nursery.

The conversation table had centred around how Robbie and Christophe were such lovely wee boys. Promotion to the Big School had been secured early on and they both also looked after the nursery kids in the playground when the bigger primary weans were trying to bully them. They stood up for the wee yins and all was well, even when The Budge grandweans arrived.

Everyone had expected trouble.

But the Budge grandweans settled.

They always had the best of stuff and were always well turned out. They looked the best and it felt like they were the best. There was even mild surprise at how their manners matched their appearance. But there was always the threat… of… The Budge…

Christophe and Robbie had just kept doing what they were doing without too much interference from anyone.

And then came the shovel.

Christophe and Robbie were the best shovelers in the nursery. No matter what got flung at them they could shovel it. They loved the whole shovelling thing. Even with criticism they were able to shovel it and show a positive spin. When people thought they were beginning to be a bit arrogant with being 13 points ahead on the best pupil board, they still managed to show how they were humble and able to help. If it was pointed out that there was something not right in the middle of the nursery, they could point to the success up front where there was order and people manging to do all they were asked. If anyone suggested that there was no harmony in the lines outside, they could show how the behaviour of everyone in the playground was much more harmonious as they practised what to do for each big day – they were well drilled in showing how to deal with big events.

But yesterday was no ordinary day…

Robbie says that he believes that Christophe has taken the shovel and hidden it…

Christophe says it is all Robbie‘s fault…

The Budge grandweans are no happy…

Christophe is “aff” the day and Robbie has to face it all alone…

Sitting outside the Budge, is waiting for the return of her heart shaped shovel from the Tiny Castle Nursery…

The head mistress is near tears with fears that this could get ugly.

Today is the Easter Parade and apart from all the masks she has had to find, she has been in charge of the bonnets, of organising the cream teas for staff and visitors, of dealing with the local minister, Mr. Pressley, who wanted to give the weans a 45 minute lecture on the need for leadership whilst he banged on her table, and now her two best weans are having a barney.

They started fighting in the lines and Mrs. Robbie is on her way in to lift Robbie and take him to another nursery. She has had enough.

Yesterday Christophe and his mum announced they were leaving. The Budge got hold of the pair of them on the way out with a look that said, this is not over and both Christophe and his mum scuttled away like it was never going to end…

Just at that moment Mrs. Doncaster notices The Big Levein hanging about like a bad smell in the lobby waiting to get in. That is all she needs. He always knows when there is conflict to be sniffed out and now, he is talking to The Budge, Mrs. Doncaster feels trouble brewing…

And then…

The door of the cupboard opens and a wee angelic face peers round… Robbie looks ready to come out… In his hand is the shovel, now broken. Mrs. Doncaster knows that today is not going to go well as voices are raised from behind her – the minister, Mr. Pressley has arrived and is castigating The Budge for not supporting wee Robbie, him having met the mum and child in the playground – and now wee Christophe is confessing before his mum shall take him to a new nursery…

Mrs. Doncaster knows, as we all do… that…this is…

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that a certain Robbie or Christophe ever went to nursery school together, so this is clearly untrue though it could be suggested that Robbie Nielson and Christophe Berra are very adept at shovelling and hiding.

During the month, Steven Pressley along with Craig Levein bemoaned the lack of leadership at Hearts and given his passion for the club, out of work manager, Stephen Pressley, available for hire at any club willing to meet his demands, including any which may have passion and banging the table in their person specification, harangued the Hearts leadership for not backing the manager , who is beleaguered and currently rumoured to have his coat on a shaky nail, and likely to go up to the Premiership and be in danger of sliding back down again with the current squad. Christophe Berra, Hearts’ captain, legend, turncoat has announced he is leaving.


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