Mr. Gerrard declares everything fabulous

Date: 15th December 2020

The latest blog from SFSA writer Donald Stewart:

It’s light switch on time, down at Govan Town Central and there is a special Elf who has been making everyone feel rather special.

Picture the scene…

All apart from the snow, we have fantastic Christmas scenes as the young uns are smiling, the auld yins are no moaning and the lights and glitter are all around the centre of their universe.

Standing right in the middle with the biggest smile of them all is not Santa…

He does not get to arrive for a full week yet, but the man with the pearly teeth and the HUGE smile is an Elf, first class and manager of the dreams and fortunes of all the other Pixies and Elves, Grandmaster Elf Stevie G could not be happier…

Grandmaster Elf Stevie G then approaches a wee dude standing on the side of the pavement and asks him, “What is your name little one?” the wee boy looks up with saucer like eyes and responds, “Why Grand Master Elf, Stevie G, my name is Billy Gilmour.”

Grandmaster Elf Stevie G looks down upon the wee man with glee and declares to his mother, “Isn’t he just fabulous?”

He then walks on towards the Tube Station where an angelic choir is singing their hearts out bringing the Carols, we all know and love to a highly appreciative audience who have spent the last few hours indulging in a mixture of sophisticated cocktails and cliched working class epithets.

Grandmaster Elf Stevie G is seen approaching and the beaming smiles start to light up the area more than the 17 foot Christmas tree that adorns the square. They look towards Grandmaster Elf Stevie G with expectant faces as he smiles back, nods his head and in a clear and exultant voice declares the scene, “Fabulous!”

Having brought even more good cheer to the good people of Govan he turns and starts to walk towards his place of work, the massive fun factory that was once described as a Big hoose.

It is time to get the festive feeling back into the place, decorate it with his new favourite colours of red, and white and a spot of blue. It is time for him to spread the former shipbuilding area with tinsel and tissue paper of wild and exotic colours.

They have even booked a face painter to come in and paint a few of the faces of the people in the office.

Grandmaster Elf Stevie G was even able to calm the guy down over overdue payments and he smiled beatifically at him and all rancour and bitterness disappeared, and things became much more serene and calm. Grandmaster Elf Stevie G is magic.

The face painter was due in soon and Grandmaster Elf Stevie G needed to get ready for him.

As he walked or glided along the pavements of the streets of his new adopted home, he became aware of yet another picturesque scene as the local police station is handing out parcels and good cheer to their “customers” with whom they have become firm friends over the year. Smiling and laughing, as Grandmaster Elf Stevie G passes, they turn and look at the man upon whom all was to be based, the man upon whom all futures were to be measured and the man responsible for the best feeling that had been around for at least a decade – many people said even longer than that.

Now former enemies stood outside the Station and traded gifts and not punches with socially distanced fist bumps, reminding Grandmaster Elf Stevie G that tomorrow he needed to sort out the vaccination problem and defeat this pandemic thing he had heard had been causing distress and worry.

But that was for tomorrow.

Today he turned to the assembled throng, smiled and declared the whole scene, “Fabulous.”

Now in the street of his place of work, the centre of his operations and the heart of his universe he notes one discordant figure in front of him.

Wearing a hoodie with a green, gold and white tinge this figure emerges out of the shadows and approaches Grandmaster Elf Stevie G.

For a moment he is afeared and concerned lest this person means him harm but then Grandmaster Elf Stevie thinks of where he is and settles his nerves, smiling at the figure whose face is hidden.

At that point the figure leans in towards Grandmaster Elf Stevie G and asks a question that nobody hears.

Grandmaster Elf Stevie G takes his head back and is far from smiling. In his mind a memory flashes, something returns, and he struggles, at first, to remember the advice he was given by the man McCoist who had met this figure before.

Then he remembers.

He strikes forward and mutters something. In a whisper there is an exchange that nobody else can hear and then Grandmaster Elf Stevie G starts to walk up the tunnel towards home. Behind him screaming at home with nobody quite able to work out what was said was the hooded figure, though nobody can quite remember hearing the word fabulous coming out of either mouth…


Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that Rangers Manager Stevie Gerrard knows anything about the infamous exchange between Ally McCoist and Neil Lennon at the end of one game, and this is therefore not true, though the word fabulous was said by Mr Gerrard.

During the week when asked if there was an approach to Chelsea over Billy Gilmour, Steven Gerrard declared that he was a fabulous little player.

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