Date: 1st October 2021
The latest SFSA blog provided to you by Donald Stewart
“Staff appraisal time is always a difficult period for any boss but for Mr. McPake the time may have come to let go one of his employees at the local Dundee Daddy Day Care.
Sad though he is, his tether has been exhausted and he has long been close to the end of it. Will now be the time that he admits that even he cannot tame the Mr. Griffiths puzzle?
Picture the scene…
Squeezed somewhere between the bouncy castle and the Famous Five Fountain of ice cream, he is sitting in one of the plastic chairs brought in for parties as the bouncy Mr. Griffiths enters through the security door. Put in place a few years ago, this screen was beefed up into a COVID screen to not only stop the weans escaping but the virus from getting in.
It had not always been the most effective way of stopping either from happening.
Mr. McPake thought of the many viruses over the years, not all of them medical, which had escaped the grasp of security and worn the blue uniform of his staff.
Mr. Griffiths sits down opposite, furtively, with his eyes darting everywhere. Mr. McPake has often thought Mr. Griffiths suffered from a form of condition that made him look shifty.
Other just thought he was shifty.
Mr. Griffiths moved shiftily in his seat.
“Right, we all know why you are here. It is time to review your progress and make some decisions. We all right?”
“Aye, sorry,” replies Mr. Griffiths.
His seat, being a bit uncomfortable, makes him move when he tries to cross his legs and he inadvertently kicks a plastic spoon off the table between them.
Mr. Griffiths then fails to pick it up. Mr. McPake thinks, typical.
“Right then,” Mr. McPake continues. He looks at the single piece of A4 paper before him with his notes and begins with a question.
“Been on Twitter recently?”
“Sorry?” asks a puzzled Mr. Griffiths.
“Twitter, Social Media? You been on it?”
“Sorry, not since the time when I posted that thing that got people upset.”
A positive, thinks Mr. McPake. He then continues with, “And have we been out singing with anyone in the town?”
“Sorry, singing?” asks a very puzzled Mr. Griffiths.
“Singing, like when you were on someone’s phone chanting about the Tyny Castle Nursery down the road?”
“Ah, sorry no. Not been singing, no,” replies Mr. Griffiths. “Would you like me to? Go singing that is?”
An incredulous Mr. McPake looks up. He realises that Mr. Griffiths is serious. “No. I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“I can sing, though. Am quite good at singing. I was thinking about putting on something like a Kid’s Karaoke in here to bring folk in?”
Mr. McPake looks back at his paper and replies, “No, I think that might draw in the underage crowd, Mr. Griffiths and that neatly brings me on to my next question. Have you been texting any of the customers recently?”
“Sorry, can I ask, when you say recently? When do you mean?” Mr. Griffiths shifts uneasily in his seat.
Mr. McPake clarifies, “How about have you ever texted any of our customers?”
Mr. Griffiths clears his throat. “Sorry, I see.”
There is a pause, a clearing of the throat and a move in the seat before Mr. Griffiths says, “there’s a wee WhatsApp group on the go. You may have seen it. Been in there a couple of times. All harmless fun. Nothing serious. No slagging people off. Making nice comments about people and things like that. No dodgy stuff. No dodgy pictures.”
“No pictures of you wiping your nose on the Govan Nursery mat then?”
This time, Mr. Griffiths blushes. He moves uneasily in his seat and responds, Sorry, no. none of that.”
Mr. McPake raises his head and looks directly at his employee, noting that having begun squarely in the middle of his seat, Mr. Griffiths was now teetering on the edge of it.
It is an interesting visual metaphor.
Mr. McPake realises it is time for the crunch questions.
He, pauses, clears his throat, and looks directly at Mr. Griffiths without moving a muscle. “Right, we have the Buckie and the Flare to discuss.”
At that Mr. Griffiths falls off the edge of his seat. He instantly gets up, sees that he has knocked off the coffee cup on the table. It looks like it shall land on the floor. He manages to place his foot underneath in the nick of time and flicks it upwards. In what feels like slow motion Mr. McPake is horrified as the cup looks like it is heading directly for him; it is. He is unable to get out of the way in time as it hits him square between the eyes and he folds like a deckchair.
Crumpled on the ground, Mr. McPake’s notes on his piece of paper are left exposed as Mr. Griffiths sees what was going to come.
He finds a stray crayon, scribbles one word on the paper, turns on his heels and scarpers before Mr. McPake wakes up.
When Mr. McPake does come to, he is all alone in his Palace of Fun. He sits up and sees that Mr. Griffiths has left him a one word message. Once again, it appears, that responsibility for his actions is being avoided and off he has gone into the sunset with the crayon scrawl of sorry his continued legacy…
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that Dundee have a daddy Day Care run by a Mr. McPake, unless you know differently, therefore this is clearly a work of fiction.
Apparently and allegedly, during his career, Leigh Griffiths, currently on loan at by Dundee FC, has from January 2013, during his time with Wolves had his parent club issue a statement criticising him for making an offensive comment on Twitter, when out on a night out, the SFA issued Griffiths with a notice of a complaint after he was filmed singing about the financial state of Hearts, captured on video footage, including comments that that former Hearts player Rudi Skácel was a “refugee”, was charged and cautioned under the Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications Act in January 2015, in a 2–0 win against Rangers, allegedly wiped the contents of his nose on the Ibrox corner flag, was cautioned for time-wasting after he picked up a glass Buckfast bottle in a game in Ireland, was sent home from Celtic’s pre-season training camp after it became public that Police Scotland were investigating allegations that Griffiths had sent improper online messages to an underage girl and now has issued an apology over an incident of kicking a flare at St Johnstone into the crowd, saying that “Having just lost a goal I was eager to get the match restarted as quickly as possible and I would like to apologise for any distress caused by this action.” Leigh Griffiths is a colourful character in the Scottish game.”
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