Mr. Lennon fluffs his interview

Date: 2nd November 2020

The latest blog from SFSA writer Donald Stewart:

Mr. Lennon fluffs his interview

It’s an important process, interviewing the current General Secretary of the Saltcoats, League of the Angels, Baton Twirling Band because of recent results, and a tough choice there is ahead of the committee – as one of them put is concisely , do we stick or twist?

On the committee Ms. Regan has returned after a few months recuperation after a tough time in the hot seat. They also have Ms. Doncaster and also Ms. Harriet Haughey alongside.

Picture the scene…

Saltcoats Community Centre is not for the faint hearted.

It has passed the time for it to be a place of beauty it is now just a place of refuge for some of the weans sent by their mothers to see if they can get some more out of the foodbank. It is a place that gets its cheer from the people.

They are a hardy bunch and not without their humanities and qualities.

The last General Secretary left under a cloud. The committee had been approached by an English outfit from a place that Ms. Haughey claimed was only famous because it did a red cheese. Having even been approached by a Chinese consortium to take over an international baton twirling team, Ms. Rodgers, the previous General Secretary had left to eat cheese. This led the management team to seek someone familiar. Mr. Lennon was ideal. He had the right green credentials and was even wearing the right coloured tracksuit to move back to this team, his adopted home team.

A previous General Secretary Mr. Lennon had led the team with distinction before to a period of calmness and even success. This was before he “did the bolt down south” as Ms. Haughey kept telling everyone.

They now are in advanced stages of planning for what comes next – a European competition in Lille. That was in France as Ms. Regan kept telling everyone as they had just returned from there.

Mr. Lennon enters the room and sits down across from the three of them.

There is a pause before Ms Doncaster takes charge: she always does.

“Mr. Lennon we all know why we are here. So, let us cut to the chase.”

Mr. Lennon nods and then responds. “I’m looking forward to the challenge and to enjoy it.”

All three across from him, nod and mutter.

Ms. Regan tries to bring things to the matter at hand. “Of course, there is Lille to come and we are concerned at recent events where we have not been really performing as well as we ought though…”

Mr. Lennon draws himself back and smiles before saying with certain confidence, “We should be enjoying this season and they are not really being allowed to enjoy it.”

He holds up his hand as Ms. Regan looks like they are going to interrupt. “I don’t think they need much spurring on because the atmosphere around the place is good. There’s a real unity amongst them.”

As someone close to them Ms. Haughey is about to interject as Mr. Lennon continues, “They are always getting tested and this is just another test that we want to accomplish. Unfortunately for us, the tests are not getting any easier.”

As things are clearly not going as Ms. Doncaster wanted, with Mr. Lennon. As normal she liked to be both in charge and getting rid of people on a regular basis so tries another tack, “Mr. Lennon, this task in Lille, is it really that tough?”

Mr. Lennon looks her squarely in the eye and responds, ““We’re up against teams that I think are Champions League quality., so it’s a real test for us.”

Ms. Doncaster tries again, “But I am sure we don’t need experience to win…”

Mr. Lennon stands and gets up off his seat, “We are going to need to be experienced as it’ll be tough away, and what is this about me being sacked? We may be disappointed with recent results but there is still plenty to play for. I am going nowhere, and I am sure you will ALL want to back me?”

He does not wait for a response as he turns and leaves the room. Behind him the plotting has already begun…

The speculation is already rife…


Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an almost original tale, any similarities to persons real or imagined are deliberate. However as there is little or no evidence that there is such a baton twirling group in Saltcoats, this is clearly fictional and never actual happened, though some of the comments were spoken by a Mr. Lennon.


During the week, Neil Lennon was forced, in his own mind, to respond to comments made by people about his tenure at Celtic that has found a fairly fallow period of late. With the game against Lille coming up he seemed keen to dampen speculation and concentrate on a game against a French side that had spent big and was competing with European super sides. Having been 2 goals up, Celtic earned a creditable draw away to Lille.  Or at least that is what you think unless you or your pal might fancy Lennon’s job. I don’t want it…


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