Date: 16th September 2021
The latest SFSA blog from Donald Stewart.
“Queuing is apparently a national pastime.
I don’t know who the person in charge is of organising the activities that pass for national pastimes, but they ought to have a good look at themselves.
Today there is a big queue because the guy at the front is taking his time…
What to have in the cinema…
Picture the scene…
Mr. Morelos cannot make up his mind. There is choice – right?
He has chosen the hot dog but then decided against it because he has no idea whether he wants ketchup or mustard. There is the burger, but he does not like pickles. Popcorn can be sweet or salty and as for drinks, there is just a load of shiny signs which are confusing. A minute has turned to several and he is in danger of missing his film – The Great Escape.
The person behind the counter is getting more and more irritated because they can see the queue behind Mr. Morelos is getting more and more anxious and likely angrier as the time has passed.
In comes the manager Mr. Phillips who decides to take charge.
“Excuse me, can I ask you to just walk this way?” Mr. Phillips indicates a till just to the right which is vacant. Mr. Morelos looks around and in his faint South American accent, mutters, “No I am fine.”
Mr. Phillips decides to be more insistent, and asks again, “If you don’t mind, we do have customers and the queue is beginning to look like an Eva Peron queue in the 1970’s.” His attempt at South American humour does not go down well as Mr. Morelos has no idea who he is talking about, but he smiles. Thinking humouring idiots is how you do things in Scotland; he tries this tactic often. Sometimes it does not work and here Mr. Phillips decides he needs to be firmer still. He nods to the person who was tending to Mr. Morelos to open the closed till and start serving the queue and that he would give Mr. Morelos special treatment, Mr. Phillips tries to smile. “Can I help you with your choices?”
Mr. Morelos looks around him as things get busier, there are people now coming straight to the till next to him to request their beverages and food, get served and disappear into the film. But Mr. Morelos is not panicked. He feels calm. Despite many others, getting what they want and he not getting anything he does – no matter whether he knows what the hell he wants or not – it does not seem to phase him. He is the epitome of calm. If calm were a visual, he would be it.
Mr. Phillips ain’t calm. He is agitated. He has dealt with a Mr. Morelos type many times and considers him one of the worst. Mr. Phillips is in a mood about it all and is struggling to keep a lid on how he really feels. That lid is beginning to come off as he starts to fume a little more inside.
He likes an efficient ship. Having transferred from the Sunderland branch where he was a bit of a legend, all the way to Glasgow to now be standing in this branch, a premium branch of a well-known cinema chain he knows that that journey did not come about due to luck. Lots of hard work went into it and he is now standing looking at the man who may well scupper the very thing he loves – cool efficiency and getting the job done.
He smiles at Mr. Morelos but it not a great smile. It is a warning smile.
Mr. Morelos remains calm.
He knows that Mr. Phillips will want him to leave the foyer and move so he smiles back and mutters, “Soon.”
Mr. Phillips can’t hold it anymore. “You are just making life more difficult for yourself,” he mutters back.
Mr. Morelos looks puzzled.
Mr. Phillips tries to make him understand. “You live round here. You need to get up to that room and get on with things. You have only managed three shifts since we got back after lockdown, and we need to see more effort and commitment from you. These people will turn on you if you don’t watch out and behaving like this shall only be acceptable if people see you making the right decisions.”
Mr. Phillips plays his ace card. “Remember that I have heard there is a position vacant at the Atletico Nacional branch…”
The threat is noticeable, and it hits home.
Mr. Morelos came from that branch’s bitter rivals. And having come originally from that branch, back home in South America, which rivalled the Atletico Nacional branch in his native country, going back home but then across the city would go down really badly.
Mr. Morelos swiftly picks a hot dog, no sauce, diet Pepsi and toffee popcorn, turns on his heels and disappears to his work.
Mr. Phillips smiles that at last he knows how to get his projectionist to go to work… He will never let go now…
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original tale, there is no evidence that there has ever been a confrontation between Alfredo Morelos and Kevin Phillips in a cinema, therefore this is clearly a work of fiction, though many of Mr. Morelos and Mr. Phillip’s words as reported have been used. The fact is that during the week, it was reported that in an interview with Colombian radio station El VBar de Caracol Radio (1 September) Morelos claimed he was “calm” when asked if he wanted to leave Rangers. However, the forward once again alluded to the fact he wants to leave the club in the future, saying he hopes to move “soon”. In response Kevin Phillips has told Morelos to keep quiet and to focus on scoring goals. “He’s just making life more difficult for himself,” Phillips told Football Insider correspondent Ben Wild. He has to live in that area, and we all know what supporters are like. He’ll get away with it if he comes back and scores goals. People will turn a blind eye but if he stops scoring and doesn’t look interested, you just leave yourself open. Keep your mouth shut and do your job. He needs people around him who will tell him to stop talking and to not answer those questions. Just be positive about Rangers and don’t talk about transfers in public. I said at the beginning of the season it would be best for him to move on, I can’t imagine this will go down well with the supporters. They will let him know how they feel.” We can only wonder if the deep fried hot dogs of Glasgow shall keep Mr. Morelos at Ibrox for much longer…”
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