Our Donald – Mr. Bowyer takes his leave…

Date: 19th May 2023

In this weeks second blog from our resident writer Donald Stewart:

Mr. Bowyer takes his leave…

“Sequins? Who just does not love them? I mean, have a wee gander at them. Aw sparkly and lovely and shiny! Like a multitude of diamonds sparkling in the sky! And THAT, is ours!”

It is the wee sma hours in the Diminutive Dens Disco Dancing, headquarters and in the Den, at the back of the venue which was crowded a few short hours ago, Mr. Nelms, and Mr. Strachan are utterly delighted.

Totally ecstatic, so they are.

And plotting.

Plotting the demise of the very man standing not three feet from them but behind a door and beyond a wall. In a few short minutes they plan to tell him that his time is done, finished and terminated. He is a done deal, a dead parrot and a gone man.

They even plan to tell him that he may be gone but he will never be forgotten. Such is the ruthlessness of the modern day disco dancing competitive scene…

Picture the scene…

The 2023 Champions of the second tier of Scottish disco dancing, the Diminutive Dens Disco Dancing Team have bounced back. This time last year they were being turfed out, unceremoniously from the Premier League of Scottish Disco Dancing.

They were no longer top tier, best in show, ultimate in practice. They were an inferior team and they felt it. They attracted interest from a number of people who thought they could do a turn and get them back to the top, but they went with a man they thought might be a bit of a gamble. Mr. Bowyer.

And that very night, they had beaten off the Queens from Glasgow to take the top prize – Champions. They had avoided the doubt of a dance off.

But the Diminutive Dens Disco Dancing Team have always been a bit of a queer pitch for managers. You have to go back to the late 70’s to find a time when a manager of the team started and ended the season in place. It had been a turbulent era for the Diminutive Dens Disco Dancing Team.

Mr. Bowyer began the season and had ended the season.

He should now be a legend.

But Mr. Nelms and Mr. Strachan have different ideas. They have different plans.

Mr. Bowyer is not unaware but when the door opens behind him and the dark is flooded with light, with the silhouettes of both Mr. Nelms and Mr. Strachan behind him: he knows.

“Mr. Bowyer?”

It is Mr. Nelms who speaks.

Mr. Bowyer lifts himself from his chair and goes into the gloom of the back office.

Not a few hours before there had been a frosty handshake between all three as the trophy, the sequined one sitting in the back office which both Mr. Nelms and Mr. Strachan were admiring moments before, had been presented.

Mr. Nelms indicates a chair for Mr. Bowyer, but Mr. Bowyer chooses to stand.

Mr. Nelms is the first to speak. “It’s never easy Mr. Bowyer, but we need to be Frank.”

Mr. Bowyer knows what that means. Frank, legendary HR manager from Mr. Nelms’ business was a ruthless figure constantly quoted by Mr. Nelms when he had to do something unpleasant. “We are going to sit down,” at that he indicated Mr. Strachan, “and everybody will get together and start talking about what’s next.”

“And the team?”

Mr. Nelms and Mr. Strachan looked at each other uncomfortably.

It was Mr. Strachan who dealt the blow.

“No longer your concern.”

“I see.”

Mr. Bowyer turned on his heels. Mr. Nelms was not, however, finished. “We just wanted you to know…”

But he was speaking to the back of a man on his way down a familiar corridor, with a train ticket in his pocket, purchased the day before. He was on his way home.

Mr. Nelms and Mr. Strachan looked at each other in some puzzlement. In the shadows, The Big Levein emerges.

“Think you did the right things, boys.”

Mr. Nelms and Mr. Strachan jump.

“Where the hell did you pop up from?” exclaims Mr. Strachan.

“Brechin, but that’s not important just now.” With that he places his arms round the two of them and says, “I think we need a wee chat…”

And with that all three disappeared into the shadows… will they ever emerge wiser… only time shall tell…


Whilst the author, asserts his right to this as an original piece of work there is no evidence that John Nelms has ever employed an HR guy called Frank, unless you know differently, so this is clearly a piece of fiction, though some of the events and words involving Mr. Nelms have been used.

The fact is that after the win against Queen’s Park, and automatic promotion to the Premiership, John Nelms was quoted as saying that, “we are going to sit down with Gordon (Strachan) and everybody will get together and start talking about what’s next.” Not long afterwards Gary Bowyer, the manager who got them their promotion was let go. Relationships between all three had been frosty and Bowyer had very critical of the training facilities and lack of contract security for his players and this led to him losing in a game of who has the biggest … power play. The race is on for his replacement.

Posted in: Latest News