OFFSET YOUR WORLD CUP TRAVEL WITH GREENERTRAVEL
Date: 26th May 2024
It has been a gruelling year…
As The Big Levein sits on a big Perth sofa, it is a time for contemplation, but not after the trauma of the end of year party that sees him gazing out upon the spires of a leafy Perthshire village which he now calls home…
This time last year, he was in Brechin. This time last year…
He starts to drift into some type of sleep and dreamland as he finds himself back in the Gorgie heartland of his… hearts…
Picture the scene…
It is a warm and dry May morning. Birdsong is everywhere and The Big Levein is standing in the Edinburgh of his dream. The sun is splitting the trees, and he is standing atop a double decker bus…
There are crowds all around and he is basking in the glory of people chanting his name as the saviour, the hero, the man of the hour, of the people, of the greatest triumph of his, and their lives…
The Big Levein is The Main Man. Le Grande Fromage.
In the corner of this bus, which he now realises is open top, sits his boss and matriarch of all in Gorgie, The Budge. She does that rarest of things. She smiles.
As he gazes down upon her approval, she nods and gives him a thumbs up.
She has never given a thumbs up in her life.
The Big Levein knows he must be dreaming now…
But as he turns aroon to the maroon of the crowd and waves to them, babies are lifted up to the level he is at, to be kissed, to be given the approval from him, the born again man of the hour to give some of his charm and his luck to.
As he kisses the umpteenth baby, he lets his arms spread widely as if he is asking the crowd for their attention. Silence is born amongst the crowd as they stop their chanting, ever eager to hear the voice and the wise words of wisdom from their born again master. People lean forward in such numbers it looks like a wave of people bow their heads in honour of the man they have come to worship.
The Big Levein takes one step forwards to the front of the bus, places his hands upon the rail at the front and realises that he has no clothes on. He looks round to see a couple of tailors rushing down the stairs.
Realising that they had been the ones to clothe him and had visited him weeks ago, there is a slow dawning upon him.
They had come recommended, but by who? The Big Levein cannot remember…
They had told him what a genius he had been. The Big Levein can remember that…
They had told him of a special cloth that only the geniuses of this world could see. The Big Levein could remember seeing its fine weave and pattern. Buit now, The Big Levein wondered, had he?
They had sold him a dream, a vision, and now he realised what a nightmare it was.
If only he had stayed in Brechin.
Just then he realised that he was still standing in front of his people. There were a few coughs and splutters which told him they were getting a little restless. He needed to say something.
But what could he say?
Thankfully, The Big Levein was not as tall as he thought he was or had put in his CV and his modesty was being hidden by the rail on the bus.
The Big Levein opened his mouth and spoke…
What he said made no sense. He was speaking some kind of gobbledegook. People were beginning to get really restless now. He sensed that they were losing faith. Maybe The Big Levein had been away too long. They had forgotten that he had been oh, their captain, their captain…
But who had set him up? Why was he here and now he was beginning to wonder how he would get home with no clothes on…
Just then he heard a snigger. Turning, the full horror of what he was experiencing hit him like a speed train.
Standing right behind him was, his nemesis. Three feet tall, dressed in a schoolboy uniform, half green and white, half maroon with a cap on his head emblazoned with the words United of Manchester upon it, and holding his arm out, pointing, pointing at The Big Levein, was Mr. Stewart.
The Big Levein saw the last few days unfold now freshly in his memory. Mr. Stewart had visited him, told him of these tailors and told him how he had been wrong and that he now realised that The Big Levein was a genius. Mr. Stewart set this up and now as The Big Levein turned back to the crowd, he realised that they were all laughing at him, all guffawing and mocking him, and he was the object of their ridicule… ridicule… ridicule…
“Mr. Levein? Mr. Levein? Mr. Levein?”
The Big Levein woke with a start. Standing above him was his at home nurse with a pill cup, looking at him quizzically…
“You need to have another one of these heart pills, Mr. Levein. Wee dream there was it? Hope it was a pleasant one. Now Dr. shall be doing his home visit soon just to review your case and see what is next in your treatment…” the nurse says as she looks at her clipboard.
The Big Levein straightens up quickly. He takes the medicine and swallows the bitter pill as the nurse turns to go.
“Nurse,” The Big Levein enquires. “What is the name of the doctor?”
She turns and eyes him. “Forgotten already?” she asks. “Why it’s Mr. Stewart,” she responds as she leaves.
Just then The Big Levein hears a car draw up in his drive way…
Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original piece of work there is no evidence that Craig Levein has ever stood naked on an open top bus, unless you know differently, so, this is clearly a piece of fiction.
The fact is that Craig Levein masterminded St. Johnstone’s survival in the Premiership after a tough tie against Motherwell. The Motherwell fans decided to wind him up celebrating a Ross County goal that never was which would have seen St. Johnstone slump to the playoffs. As he said to the BBC after the game, “I’m delighted and extremely stressed out. At the end when the Motherwell fans celebrated after the game finished just to wind us up, I had to take an extra couple of heart tablets.” Levein suffered a heart attack a wee while ago. Michael Stewart, former Hearts, Hibs, Manchester United player and now BBC pundit had declared his view of Levein as “I just don’t think he is a very good manager,” on BBC Sportsound, hence there would appear to be a lack of love in the room between them.
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Tags: Hearts