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Date: 11th September 2025
He is “the man”
Exclusive news has emerged that in Copenhagen they have found “the man”.
BBC pundit Michael Stewart has revealed that he is absolutely certain that in that dressing room in Copenhagen that we have found “the man”.
It has been confirmed, however, by sources close to the Natural History Museum, that this is NOT “The Missing Link.” A dedicated reporter spoke to someone at the bus stop next to the entrance of the Museum who confirmed it could not be “The Missing Link” because “he doesn’t smile enough.”
Mr. Clarke, emanating from that dressing room, for his media round was immediately identified by Mr. Stewart as being “the man”. Mr. Stewart claimed there was further proof that Mr. Clarke from the people in the dressing room with Mr. Clarke who would also confirm that Mr. Clarke is indeed “the man”.
Immediately prior to Copenhagen there were doubts over whether or not Mr. Clarke was “the man” or as was suggested by others “the right man”, having previously declared that he was “the right man” before. Doubts surfaced because Mr. Clarke had put on the pitch Mr. Adams and Mr Dykes up front, Messrs McGinn, Ferguson, McTominay and Christie in midfield, and therefore it was claimed that he was missing a trick or ten.
However, the result, based upon his selection meant that Mr. Stewart was able to quickly confirm that not only was Mr. Clarke “the man”, but he was “the man” whilst others nodded sagely that he appeared to be “the right man” too.
Prior to Copenhagen, some were dismayed that Messrs McKenna, Gilmour, Gannon-Doak and Bowie were not given an opportunity to demonstrate their explosiveness on the field. Some described the midfield, as flat. Looking at McGinn, McTominay, Ferguson and Christie, there was nothing flat about them – McGinn in particular being somewhat shorter and varied in stature to the rest – you could not lay a ruler flat upon all four heads…
In Copenhagen explosiveness was not required, according to “the man”. Mr. Clarke pointed out that a controlled display without any fireworks was what was needed as Scotland came away from Copenhagen with a draw.
Added to these doubts was the huge selection headache – the goalkeeper. Mr. Gunn, son of Mr. Gunn, came back with a clean sheet, and Mr. Gunn (the younger) was clearly adept at saving things or punching them away, or in the words of the sage Roy Keane, “his job”. Mr Gunn’s (the younger), performance was hailed as a “right result.” Although the latter – the punching away, not Roy Keane, or either Mr. Gunn – caused some collywobbles, it worked out all right in the end.
Mr. Clarke was very measured after the game whilst those in commentary were often having apoplexy. That apoplexy does not go well when you are talking to “the man”. He did say that he had shown flexibility – as different condition to apo0plexy and therefore requiring different forms of treatment and creams – and it was his job to make these calls. Nobody was going to put a tap on his phone to see just exactly how those calls went as a few puzzled faces were unaware he was making calls. Perhaps he was trying to make contact with a Mr. Martindale of West Lothian who appears to know better than most how to make calls – Livingston being one of the few places to have phones… and Apps… And Davie Martindale.
Mr. Clarke went on to talk about how he was brave though many were fascinated to hear that, and it was remarked that this was very similar to Mr. Clarke being glum or Mr. Clarke being happy in that there is ne’er a hint of a smile. Thus, proving that Mr. Clarke is definitely NOT “The Missing Link”.
Mr Stewart was last seen departing the capital of Denmark heading towards the next stage in this tour of “the man” which was at Hungary. There was much eaten on the flight over there no doubt. There will have been discussing just exactly what “the man” has for breakfast. His nation was delighted that it turned out to be Belarus…
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Tags: Football, oor Donald, Scotland, Scottish fans, Scottish football, Tartan Army