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M. Clement and hand hygiene…

Date: 21st April 2024

 

For some cleanliness is next to Godliness…

But in the Big Blue Bear Café in Goven, that has taken on new heights…

New manager, M. Clement, once the darling of the Govan Handshakes Only Society for Tradesmen, Industrial Engineers and Shipbuilders, (GHOSTIES), who managed to make an initial splash in their allotment society, has now hung up his trowel and joined the ranks of the working service industry and making another splash – in catering.

But the reason for him giving up tending strawberries and now serving them has its own tale to tell…

Picture the scene…

The misty eyed will remember that one early morning and in the shadow of the monuments of the past which nod to a shipbuilding heritage, gloriously depicted by huge numbers of long forgotten industries, crafts and people who haunt like ghosts around you, there is a mist hanging about the shoulders of all in the Govan area. None more so than the incomers who try to build a reputation for themselves in amongst the ghosts of the past.

M. Clement is merely the most recent.

Having arrived to tend the soil and provide sustenance of one sort or another for the locals, he realised that his initial struggles could quickly be replaced by success. It included moving some of his more prominent and better produce from one part of his field of green to another, making them much more likely the thing that would catch the eye.

And catch the eye they did.

From the allotment society being also rans to their major rivals from the east of the city, they started catching up. It was all happening in double quick time, but it has ended with a slump. And M. Clement found that the soil was no longer to his liking.

It came as a moment of clarity in a show up in Dingwall of all places…

Up there he found that he could no longer wash the dirt properly out from his fingers. It was tough for a man who prided himself on being the Belgian with the spade of change. He wanted to make a difference and once Dingwall had brought the realisation that all might not be well, the next show in Dundee simply compounded the issue.

Distracted by the lack of decent planting in the Dundee area, the show had been postponed a couple of times before it eventually took place. Instead of having peaked at the right time with spectacular produce sweeping aside all competition, M. Clement found that his produce was being matched in every department. It, for some, looked like a reasonable draw between the Govan Allotment and the Dens Dark Blues of Dundee, but for M. Clement, it simply convinced him that the time had come to stop ploughing on in one direction and change to another.

He scoured the country for solutions, most of which were not going to be available until the summer. That was past his planting time, but the cleanliness of the circumstance and situation had finally made its presence felt.

People talked in whispers around him of a deep seated malaise that had been in his soil long before he turned up to end it, but M. Clement was having none of that. He believed he had made such an

effort, so many positive changes that it was all down to him. He believed and if he did not believe then he felt others could not either.

And so, changes were made. M. Clement moved into the café and the trade of taking the local produce and selling it directly.

Why?

Because his OCD around cleanliness had kicked in.

It was time to bring in new help for the allotment and him to change how he was seen and how his allotment was seen by everyone in the area. That was his principal reason for taking this massive step into the catering market.

And as he stood proudly, in front of his newfound customers, he felt a lot better about it all.

Someone had suggested taking over a fruit stall in Bridgeton Cross, but there was already one there and that did not remove the need to touch the soil. At least in a kitchen he would constantly be in a place where washing your hands every five minutes was un likely to end up being seen as a bit mental or a touch mad – it was to be expected.

And so, this April morning, M. Clement stood at the door of his new café and awaited an influx. There was to be a bus party, booked in to be one of his first customers for a new era of M. Clement and his produce – from Paisley.

Unfortunately for M. Clement, right at that same moment, there was a café in Paisley welcoming a Govan coach party. M. Clement was still getting used to the split of visits that were unique to the Scottish environment he was experiencing for the very first time…

And so, the question was – was this going to go well for M. Clement and all around him or was this just another misstep in his residence in the Govan area – time shall tell, time shall tell…

 

Whilst the author asserts his right to this as an original piece of work there is no evidence that Philippe Clelemt has ever been in charge of an allotment or opened a café in Govan, unless you know differently, so, this is clearly a piece of fiction.

The fact is that Philippe Clement walked off the side of the pitch at the final whistle without shaking the hands of Ross County boss, Don Cowie. Speaking to Sky Sports, he said: “I do that sometimes (go straight up the tunnel) but there wasn’t too much to celebrate so I was there to say the right words to my team in the dressing room.” The Sky Sports cameras then captured the moment that Clement returned to the touchline to congratulate rookie boss Cowie, who has led his team to within a single point of safety from the relegation play-off zone with a priceless and well-earned win against the Gers.” Clement’s side them went on to record a disappointing draw with Dundee in a tie that was the subject of the Dens Park side getting fined as the rotten state of their pitch had caused such disruption. Next, in the league is the visit to St. Mirren and a hope that the changes he may be making, make a difference… Before then semi-final action against Hearts…


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