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Date: 3rd October 2025
Rapid is not the word up north
By Donald C Stewart
A sketchy and humorous look at the outpourings of the great, the good and the not so good of Scottish fitba’ by Donald C Stewart. Readers are warned that if they take this seriously then therapy is available – just let us know where you find it so we can pass it on to others…
Recent reports coming out of the North-East include the report that a Scandinavian has discovered that people in Aberdeen are not rapid.
Identified as Mr. Thelin, currently toiling under a great deal of pressure at Pittodrie, has suggested that the problem that they might have is too much hesitation. He is concerned that too many players are turning back: playing more backwards than forwards.
Following one point being gathered out of a possible 15 and Aberdeen being the strongest team in the Scottish Premiership, as in they are holding up the rest, Mr. Thelin has suggested that one of the reasons for this is that if they are unable to play fast enough. He has suggested that Aberdeen’s play is not intense enough and the direction is not as front-footed as he wants.
Local supporters have suggested that the only foot that they want to see is a first foot with a dod of big black coal to launch at Mr. Thelin as he disappears out of the club.
Meanwhile Mr. Thelin is adamant that after a calm chat within the Pittodrie, that everyone is united. Mr. Thelin was locally described, however, as being unaware of just exactly how disunited those around Pittodrie happen to be. There have been some people also looking for Adam Ant to quiz him about Mr. Thelin’s statement.
Further explaining his approach, Mr. Thelin spoke of respect, that there can be noise and there can be pressure coming from both the media and the social media, but he is just controlling and focusing on what they can control, which is their approach to the next game.
Mr. Thelin was furthermore, firm in his belief that they are going to find a way out. Supporters locally offered to show Mr. Thelin the large exit sign and Mr. Thelin should take huge steps towards it as rapid as possible.
Some have murmured on social media that perhaps Mr. Thelin, given his inability to get his players to be rapid, is himself a slow walking man more suited to the over 50s walking fitba game. They also showed some signs to be used wherever Aberdeen play to help players “find” where the goals are. Aberdeen have been very shot shy of late.
Locals have gone to great lengths to show their discontent, however there is no truth, we believe, in the rumours that they have made contact with fans groups in the Govan area to find out just exactly how they can crayon a bed sheet.
Having said that, of course, the idea that bed sheets would be used from any of the homes in Aberdeen, given that some may well be Egyptian cotton and cost a fortune is unlikely. Some unkind people, possibly from Dundee, suggested that Aberdonians should avoid get out of those bedsheets and head for Pittodrie as it is likely to cause great distress.
Mr. Thelin countered that Aberdeen have indeed spent some siller on making such a big noise. The big noise everyone else hears is the clamour for Mr. Thelin to leave. Even though he would leave with a Scottish cup triumph in his back pocket.
Unfortunately, what is not in his front pocket is the number of wins that would be expected by Aberdonian fans, if they were challenging for a title. Or a cup.
Mr. Thelin has returned the club to Europe may well only be occasioned this year for which many have been scouring for a cheap deal on EasyJet. Unfortunately, they have begun badly and the Ukrainian team who have more than tactics to worry about, beat the Dons at Pittodrie so the worries keep going on, though Mr. Thelin has said they need to learn from that loss – rapidly we shouldn’t wonder…
In other news, Alex from Bellshill was spotted in Union Street, allegedly, looking for any form of artwork that may come from the Rebel Bear. The Rebel Bear, meanwhile, is currently fighting legal causes in an Edinburgh suburb due to cherry-picking a point on the side of flats that apparently, he was not allowed to. Rebel Bear, a real artist, may well entice Alex from Bellshill to make that Scot Rail travel from the Dons down to the leafy suburbs of Edinburgh.
Tune in next time to find out…
Posted in: Fan's Blog, Latest News
Tags: Aberdeen, oor Donald, Scottish fans, Scottish footbal, SPFL