OFFSET YOUR WORLD CUP TRAVEL WITH GREENERTRAVEL
Date: 9th April 2026
The Govan Panther
By Donald C Stewart
A sketchy and humorous look at the outpourings of the great, the good and the not so good of Scottish fitba’ by Donald C Stewart. Readers are warned that if they take this seriously then therapy is available – just let us know where you find it so we can pass it on to others…
Reports of sightings of the hardly ever mentioned Govan Panther have been downplayed recently by locals in the area. This follows the suggestion that hunters are being sought at Ibrox.
Rangers’ manager Danny Rohl has suggested that they need the hunter mentalities to find Wins.
Local people named Winifred have allegedly gone into hiding, perhaps because they feared that the famed Govan Panther that doesn’t actual exist would actual come and actual hunt them down in their actual single ends.
Just exactly what a single end was had to be explained in single syllables to English reporters who arrived, suggesting that they were hunting themselves for a scoop.
Scoops had to be explained to cub reporters at The Sun because they had no idea what they were apart from what they asked their ice cream to come in.
Meanwhile, Rohl went further, talking about hunting out opponents, and in the East End, a brigade of people in the shade you get when you blend blue and yellow suggested that that was fine by them and they better hurry up because they’re more than ready because they were, in their own words, weapons.
Rohl continued in the same vein and suggested a new mindset going into the next six games was they were going to hunt and win every single one. A spokesman for the Unionised Bear Traps, said they thought that WAS The Rangers’ mindset.
This was maybe lost a little in translation, as some suggested even if it was THE Rangers’ mindset that it had been absent from the Ibrox side for some time and finding it was their greatest challenge.
The mindset or not to win the league aside, some in Gorgie, which is in Edinburgh, people dressed all in maroon were getting nervy as Hearts were faltering and staggering. Their last game before the split is against Motherwell. After the split, it is interesting.
The Jambos had it in their hands and twenty-two active feet to go into this ahead of both Rangers and Celtic. St Martin of O’Neill has already suggested that any dropped points would be disastrous.
Anything dropped at Celtic is disastrous, though not as disastrous as it would be in Ibrox. They have marble floors and things would smash.
In fact, the Parkheid biscuit tin, last seen by nobody down the back of the sofa, as previously mentioned, might well be where St Martin of O’Neill could rediscover the formula for success that he last left in there the last time he was at Celtic long-term.
His long-term future does not seem to be at Celtic. This despite Roy Hodgson, at the age of 3,645, having taken over at Bristol City, showing that age is still quite a big number, but he has stated he does not have a long-term future at the club. This might mean St Martin of O’Neill will have the shortest successful two tenures in Premiership history, as well as being the oldest Premiership Manager in the whole history of some form of civilization, probably, if they keep him on.
In the meantime, people have calmed a little down in Govan, as it has been reported by nobody, because no one has been investigating it, that the hunt is on for the elusive Govan Panther – this is not to be confused with the Girvan Panther which once did exist, allegedly.
We can all meanwhile look forward to seeing the run-in with an end of season melee, that will send the Scottish Premiership title to Gorgie, Parkhead or Govan.
At that point, perhaps the Govan Panther will make an appearance, should there be a title-winning party… But the Rangers’ manager will hope we are talking of things being successfully hunted rather than his team being haunted at the end of the season.
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Tags: oor Donald, Rangers, Scottish fans, Scottish football