Does it all add up By Donald C Stewart

Date: 16th January 2026

Does it all add up

By Donald C Stewart

A sketchy and humorous look at the outpourings of the great, the good and the not so good of Scottish fitba’ by Donald C Stewart. Readers are warned that if they take this seriously then therapy is available – just let us know where you find it so we can pass it on to others…

Former Celtic Academy youth player Jim Goodwin, now manager at Dundee United, has suggested that Martin O’Neill has an aura.

Fans of the current Celtic boss for the third time, Sainted Martin O the Neill, have suggested that Mr Goodwin should have his nasal cavities checked as there is no stink coming from the sainted one.

Mr. Goodwin however doubled down on his claim citing his experience when at Celtic and when Saint Martin would walk into dressing rooms which held big characters including Chris Sutton, John Hartson, Stilian Petrov and Neil Lennon, and they would be enthralled…

Someone in Govan suggested he had an uncle where the same things happened when he flung on the Brut 33…

Mr. Goodwin also suggested that Saint Martin is a magician with numbers.

From 33 – the number of days he was away which led to Celtic being 6 behind Hearts and 3 behind Rangers, with a 3-4-3 under the former manager Monsieur Nancy. Mr Goodwin suggested that whether Martin O’Neill is 43 or 73, he’ll go back to a back 4. Numerologists (My Auntie Mary) suggested the proliferation (not what she said, she just pointed and shouted oh aye, waking up the neighbour’s cat) of numbers 3 and 4 are a pattern (Also not what she said but that can’t be repeated in front of minors, or anyone who went on strike in the 1980s.)

It did not take any soothsayers to note that Saint Martin has been brought in to deliver a 4^th Premier League title in a row.

There are some, however, up in Dundee who have suggested Mr Goodwin should have a wee look at his own numbers. 21 played, 5 wins, 10 draws, sees Dundee United sitting underneath Falkirk, having played one game more and are 2 points behind them.

Prior to the Celtic game, in the previous 6, there may have been only 1 loss, however, Mr Goodwin is being thought of as, “no the boay” to deliver a top six place.

The Tangerine Dreamers have been forced to watch the charge of similar teams like Hibernian and Motherwell around them become the form teams and the ones who might challenge for a title.

Then there is Falkirk, who have another saintly presence, that of Mr John McGlynn in their dugout.

Perhaps Saint Martin has been sharing part of his aura, or his bottle of Brut 33 with John McGlynn?

Mr Goodwin had been hoping that the game against Celtic would not be part of the recovery programme that Saint Martin O’ the Neill was putting in place for the Parkhead Club. Unfortunately… aura peepel saw his team get gubbed…

Tangerine Dreamers are stuck with a tough January on Saturday, they play host to another United, that being Ayr from the Championship in the Scottish Cup. They shall hope not to suffer any shocks, and they then have St. Mirren and league leaders Hearts to follow.

Of those 4 games leading towards the end of the month the numbers that Tangerine Dreamers will be hoping for is as many points as humanly possible and progression in the Scottish Cup.

The relationship between Mr Goodwin and the Tangerine Dreamers has always teetered on an edge.

Time, however, always filled with numbers, will always tell.

Auntie Mary on the other hands says it’s possible that Jim Goodwin uses Old Spice and doesn’t like Brut 33… it having two 3s in it…

 

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Tags: Dundee United, oor Donald, Scottish football