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Date: 5th September 2025
Ahm no playin and ye canne mak me
A sketchy and humorous look at the outpourings of the great, the good and the not so good of Scottish fitba’ by Donald C Stewart.
There is news surfacing that “consternation” has left Ibrox. Mr. Igamane has finally left the building after an opportunity arose for him to contribute to his club’s game and quoting the Newcastle Isak conundrum said, “ah’m no playing and you cannae mak me” at a game in Paisley, which sounds like an oxymoron
Mr. Igamane was asked by his boss Mr. Martin to grace the pitch with his presence.
Mr. Igamane allegedly was unable to translate the word grace and decided, “ah’m no playing and you cannae mak me.” Representatives for Mr. Igamane have been contacted, however he has now departed the scene. Mr. Igamane returned to the continent where he has signed for Lille.
Mr. Martin, currently of Ibrox, was described as being irked by Mr. Igamane’s refusal to grace the pitch. He was the one who strongly hinted that Mr. Igamanehad refused to play because he was injured.
With the transfer deadline rapidly approaching at the time, Mr Martin was quick to quip that many of his players had one eye on the way out and one eye behind the door which explains the rise in the number of black eyes around Ibrox this week. The reason for red faces is entirely different of course.
Mr. Igamane had the opportunity to go out on loan the week before he ended up in Paisley but that was not supported by Mr Martin and the powers that be at the Big Hoose. He then came in and trained fine, warmed up fine and at 60 minutes into the game at Paisley decided that he “wasnae going on and didnae want to play.”
A number of people were very surprised at the ability Mr. Igamane showed.
At the time Mr Martin was asked if Mr. Igamane would continue to be in the Big Hoose to which he replied, “that he did not know.” This was hardly surprising as many people have suggested that Mr Martin is guilty of not knowing a lot of things about football.
When pressed Mr Martin went on to explain that there were still too many people who are uncertain at The Big Hoose and many still think there is something else for them meaning they want to be elsewhere. It was a sentiment that many on the terraces at Ibrox chimed with and sympathised with the players looking to find the exit door. Some supporters have helpfully suggested they could be guides for the myopic in midfield, the toothless in attack and dumb in defence.
Having claimed that everybody would just have to wait and see Mr. Igamane was not slow in putting on his running shoes, finding a new club, and bolting like nothing else. Many suggested it was the quickest he had ever been since putting on a Rangers shirt for the first time. Once settled in Lille, and netting a double in his first game, he said merci to all expect anyone with a Scottish accent, in response a huge au revoir was heralded form Govan, ending with the final word being, off.
As for Mr. Martin the question marks over his future have been raised time and time again though Mr. Martin seems to be secure in the belief that he’s right and everybody else is wrong. Just exactly how long that is going to remain a reality for Mr. Martin may well be longer than a lettuce, shorter than a transfer window and perhaps even equal to a winless run of more than one game…
Mr. Martin retains the confidence of the board which as everybody knows is the precursor to getting the tin tack.
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Tags: oor Donald, Scottish fans, Scottish footbal, Transfer Window