Paisley Panic… by Donald C Stewart

Date: 19th September 2025

Paisley Panic…

A sketchy and humorous look at the outpourings of the great, the good and the not so good of Scottish fitba’ by Donald C Stewart. Readers are warned that if they take this seriously then therapy is available – just let us know where you find it so we can pass it on to others…

 

News has emerged that a man, in Paisley, after 400 games, has come out of his coma.

Mr. Robinson, previously of Lisburn, revealed that after 400 games in charge of St. Mirren, that he realised that he did not even want to be in management.

Medics attending the scene, confirmed that both brain function and other functions of Mr. Robinson were intact and working normally.

However, the fact that he woke up in Paisley may account for his shock.

Mr. Robinson is not a native of Paisley, having come from Ireland at some point. Mr. Robinson was quick to point out that he may have ended up where he was because of a shadowy and mysterious figure, known as Mr. O’Neill.

Initial enquiries have shown that Mr. O’Neill may have had some presence in Brechin and Stoke before and between being seen hanging around Belfast.

Mr. Robinson meanwhile lead a nomadic career which took in such sleepy hamlets as Tottenham, the Orient, which was Leyton, and a long stint beside the seaside in Bournemouth, before closing out his career via Preston, Bristol, and Luton. Initial enquiries found few people who can remember Mr. Robinson ever being asleep whilst there.

Mr. Robinson’s circuitous route he took to management included a spell in charge of Oldham, where it was believed that Mr. O’Neill took him into the set up in Belfast. From there stints at Motherwell and Morecambe led to his current status and entry into the Urban Brigadoon which is Paisley.

Attempts to make contact with the mysterious Mr. O’Neill have so far come to nothing. The last sighting of him had been in Luxembourg where a 3-1 win seemed to have pleased him greatly, though his mumbling about lack of topflight action were put down to some form of grief induced ramblings.

Please note that the Mr. O’Neill referred to in this report in Michael and not his long-forgotten cousin, Martin, who can be found commentating in studios all over the UK. Confusion normally reigns due to a variety of English media outlets believing that people of the same colour and name must be related in some way. Martin and Michael are not, however, we don’t want to upset the poor media types in that part of the world too much, in case their equilibrium is knocked off. Many knock offs can be found between the various studios as transfers from one station to another are normal within he Englandshire media circus.

It was during his time, working with Mr. O’Neill, he claims that he caught the bug for management. Medics are now investigating just exactly how contagious this bug may be.

We may be in a Covid-20 scenario.

From there, he came to Scotland and managed Motherwell for a period of time before he found himself down in the highly dangerous and toxic environment of Morecambe. It is so toxic and dangerous that Mr. Derek Adams, previously of Dingwall, has managed there twice.

Mr. Adams, of course, is the manager who claimed that Scottish football was not as good as he thought it ought to be, or indeed should be, or would be, were he in charge. Mr. Adams was in charge of Morecambe again up until recently, at which point he was sacked.

Mr. Adams is no longer in charge of any form of football, which is a shame, according to Mr. Adams, talking to Mr. Adams when Mr. Adams was able to listen.

Meanwhile, Mr. Robinson, having now woken up and identified as the manager of St Mirren, is looking forward to the next 400 games.

Many, of course, believe that Mr. Robinson will be managing these games at another club, perhaps one that is above and beyond Paisley.

There are many who from outside Paisley believe that if you get the opportunity to leave Paisley, you should grab it with both hands, with your running shoes on, and not look back.

Many feel this is unkind to the small city, with a beautiful Abby. Abby is currently available for appointments should you require her.

Next week, Alex from Bellshill tells us of his search for a Dali in Scottish fitba’…

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Posted in: Fan's Blog, Latest News

Tags: Paisley, Scottish football, St.Mirren