JOIN US IN STIRLING FOR A NIGHT OF CELEBRATION FIND OUT MORE
Date: 19th December 2025
United cannot relate
By Donald C Stewart
Reports were emerging from the Tan a Dichey United in Dundee that they were very far from being united and a local branch of Relate were on standby. But now locals are claiming that a miracle has been performed and the Pope should be contacted to agree sainthood for Mr. Goodwin.
The relationship between Mr Goodwin of the aforementioned Tan a Dichey United and the supporters was beginning to become fractious. Over a period of 11 games there had been no wins for the Tan a Dichey United. Supporters were beginning to wonder whether or not their relationship was going anywhere or it had run its course.
Mr Goodwin of Tan a Dichey United was a half decent runner in his time but admitted that they were all “going through a really difficult period”. Last season in the league, they managed 4th but this season they are struggling in the bottom half of the league.
There had been much honeymoon like early season optimism with an expression of joy between the two, that is fans and Mr Goodman of Tan a Dichey United. There were hopes this year was going to be far better than it was the previous year.
Far better of course is a relative term.
The only way Mr Goodwin of Tan a Dichey United, explained to BBC Scotland for them to get out of this was to stick together.
The Tan a Dichey United supporters were beginning to wonder whether or not the problem was that the spine of the team doesn’t seem to have enough Scottish people in it to allow the stadium announcer to get his pronunciations correct or scribes not to have to consult pure hunners o dictionaries to make sure that they spell them all right.
Finding it difficult to replicate the form last season is, however according to pundit, Mr Stephen Thompson, formerly of Tan a Dichey United and of THE RANGERS, it’s all down to defending. Looking fragile and according to him, gifting goals to teams is not the way to progress as a football team. In fact, gifting anything, even though it is Christmas, to anybody at any point should not be the way that the Tan a Dichey United team are behaving at all.
There were few who believed Mr Goodwin would turn it round and that he would falter as he once did in D’Arvel at a Scottish Cup tie.
Clearly in need of mediation, we wanted to reach out to Relate and ask if they would intervene but then Shuggie in the office wrote the number down in a hankie which was used to mop up the spilt irn bru that the wee guy delivering the Evri parcel spilled when he humped the parcel through the open office door so nobody at Relate was available for comment, mainly because nobody asked them.
There was a call, amongst some that the Tan a Dichey United would dispense with Mr Goodwin’s services, and Dundee bookies have allegedly, because nobody has checked that they have but wee Mina at the pub said she heard frae the butcher who had a dug that once lived nearabout Tannadice and they said it was true that bookies have stopped taking bets on whether Mr Goodwin or Mr Pressley would be the first for the high jump. Nobody is aware or willing to testify that either of them can dae the high jump.
But then they beat Celtic 2-1 and miracles can happen.
Across the road, Mr Pressley is languishing below the Tan a Dichey United which means in Dundee terms that he’s the worst. Whether or not he’s going to be the worst by the end of the year is no longer down to whether or not Mr Goodwin can turn it round – for one game maketh the man. As they are but a stone’s throw between each other there is every possibility that given Mr Goodwin’s ability to turn up like a penny which is bad anywhere with a new job that he may actually just simply take a walk across and knock on Mr Pressley’s door and invite him to step outside. What will happen then is anybody’s guess.
Image Homes of Football
Posted in: Fan's Blog, Latest News
Tags: Dundee United, jim goodwin, oor Donald